Potion Beastly
by RockSunner
Summary: Like my AU's "Potionate," "Potion Triangulated," and "Potion Explosion," this is another way things could have gone on the day of the Woodstick festival, as Mabel sets up some highly unusual ships. One-shot.


Like my AU's "Potionate," "Potion Triangulated," and "Potion Explosion," this is another way things could have gone on the day of the Woodstick festival, as Mabel sets up some highly unusual ships. All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me.

Author's note: thanks to Psycho Delic263 for suggestions that inspired this story.

**Potion Beastly**

"Are you sure we're going the right way to meet my blind date?" said Robbie, panting. "This hill is too steep."

"Come on. Dipper did this climb not long ago as part of a test of manliness," said Mabel.

"Huh! If that nerd can do it, so can I," said Robbie.

"Me too, since I'm the alpha twin," said Mabel. "We're... almost... there."

"You're sure I'll like this person?" asked Robbie.

"You have a lot in common," said Mabel. "You're both moody, you both like music, and you're both lonely with nobody to really talk to."

"I wish we could have met at the diner," said Robbie.

"That person never showed," said Mabel. "This new one was the best on my 'maybe' list."

"This had better work. It's a long way to come for nothing," said Robbie.

"Fortunately, while we were waiting I got to talk to a Love God, and I have a plan that will make this a sure-fire success," said Mabel.

"We're at the top, and all that's here is a cave," said Robbie. "Now what?"

"Oh Multi!" Mabel called, "This is Mabel, the twin sister of your friend, Dipper. I have someone I'd like you to meet."

As soon as the large figure began to emerge from the shadows, before Robbie could see him and panic, Mabel produced her bottle and dipped a finger in it. She flicked it toward both of them.

"Match made!"

* * *

Dipper and Mabel were talking in their room that evening.

"You missed the Woodstick concert," said Dipper. "I wish you'd been there. It was a blast, hanging out with Wendy and the gang."

"I got a new attraction to sign up for the Mystery Shack," said Mabel.

"A new attraction?" asked Dipper. "What do you mean?"

"The Multi-Bear. He'll be here tomorrow."

"What? That's fantastic! He's a scary-looking monster, but he won't tear up the place like the Gremoblin. Even if people think he's fake, he'll be a great tourist draw."

"I know, right?" said Mabel.

"How did you get him to agree to come here?" asked Dipper.

"He wants to live closer to town so he can see more of his new boyfriend," said Mabel.

"Boyfriend?" asked Dipper.

"He and Robbie are dating now," said Mabel.

"What!? Robbie?" said Dipper. "How... what did you do to make that happen?"

"I'm just a great matchmaker," said Mabel. "And I had the help of some Inter-Species Love potion I stole from the Love God. He's a real cupid."

"This has got to be the weirdest thing you've ever done, and that's saying a lot," said Dipper. "Even Robbie doesn't deserve this."

"He needed someone new in his life, and they're happy," said Mabel. "What more do you want?"

"Where is this potion?" said Dipper. "I hope you got rid of it safely."

"I have a lot left, and I have some other ideas," said Mabel.

"No!" said Dipper. "Like what?"

"Old Man McGucket is all alone, and we saw some cute beavers out on Scuttlebutt Island," said Mabel.

"You're insane," said Dipper.

"A crazy little matchmaker, that's me," said Mabel with a giggle. "But first, there's a more important match to complete."

"What?"

"Remember how I taped Waddles and Gompers together this morning, and we had a wedding for them?"

"How can I forget?"

"I want to make sure they have a real happy-ever-after," said Mabel. "Oh, Waddles!"

Waddles and Gompers came in, still duct-taped together. Mabel untaped them and got an arm around each one.

"Help me hold them, so they're close and looking at each other when the potion hits," said Mabel.

"I want no part of this," said Dipper.

"Then I'll do it myself," said Mabel. Still holding both animals, she managed to get the potion bottle to her mouth and uncork it with her teeth.

"I have a really bad feeling about this," said Dipper. "I'm out of here."

Before he could leave, Gompers pulled out of Mabel's grasp. She dropped the bottle and it smashed to the floor, filling the room with a cloud of potion. When it subsided, Gompers and Waddles were rubbing noses.

"It... worked," said Mabel. "They're in love, like I wanted. But..."

"Mabel, I'm madly in love with Waddles," said Dipper.

"And I'm crazy for Gompers," said Mabel. "I'm jealous of him and Waddles."

"Me, too. This isn't going to work," said Dipper. "You've got to undo this."

"I can't... the Love God had an anti-love potion, but he's long gone."

"You're ruined our lives," said Dipper.

"My heart is breaking. It's another epic failed summer romance," said Mabel.

"Wait... a failed summer romance!" said Dipper. "You were going to use the memory eraser to forget those."

"Maybe that would work," said Mabel. "Let's call Soos and get him to take us to the museum. The Blind Eye Society is gone, so it'll be safe."

"But I can't bear to leave Waddles," said Dipper.

"I can't bear to leave Gompers, either," said Mabel. "We'll have to take them along."

* * *

As he drove them back home, Soos asked, "Are you feeling okay, dudes?"

"Sure," said Dipper. "I don't remember why we went to the Blind Eye Society rooms at this time of night, but it reminds me we need to go back there again to look over the lost memories for clues."

"Soos," said Mabel. "Why do you have animals in the truck?"

The goat and the pig were in the back seat. They were looking out the windows, away from each other.

"Don't you remember? They're Waddles and Gompers, dude."

"I'd like to keep the goat as a pet," said Mabel. "May I?"

"Don't you want Waddles any more, dude?" asked Soos.

"Not especially," said Mabel. "One pet is enough. That goat is sooo cute, with its little short horn."

"I'll take the pig," said Dipper. "For some reason, I like it a lot."


End file.
